Restoring Relationships as an Antidote to Toxicity

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The root of this toxicity is separation that runs deep, like a spreading cancer that can no longer be ignored. We feel separated from each other, from nature, even from ourselves. We feel it every time we avoid the neighbor that has opposite political opinions, every time we shut down as the headlines show another natural disaster, every time we pretend everything is fine when it’s not. In this place of disconnection, we have let distrust fester, and we retreat further into our silos. In the spaces between us, living out our separate lives in isolation, the toxicity grows. We try to find our people, but while we do, we become more alienated from the people that don’t agree with us. It makes our communities brittle amidst a myriad of crises and perpetuates them.

As the realities of climate change settle around us there is growing attention to resilience, defined by the U.S. Climate Resilience Toolkit as “The capacity of a community, business, or natural environment to prevent, withstand, respond to, and recover from a disruption”. It is worth pointing out that the entities listed in this definition only exist due to the relationships within and between them. A gathering of individuals that don’t know or care for each other cannot really be called a community. A business only exists as a system of individuals working together to provide products or services to people around them. No element of nature exists in isolation from other parts of the ecosystem of which it is a part – if one part of the ecosystem is destroyed, the rest of it is destroyed or at least weakened as well.

The bedrock of true resilience is found in our web of relationships with nature, our families, our colleagues, our neighbors, as well as people that have different political views, religions and cultures. These relationships have been too often disrupted and sometimes ignored. The resulting isolation sends many people to therapy. It leads to addictive consumerism that adds fuel to the climate crisis. It makes all of us vulnerable to leaders exploiting the divisions that now run deep.

Resilience and the antidotes to our current toxicity are rooted in communities of trusting relationships that can begin to heal the toxic divisions that run through our social fabric. Without tending to and restoring relationships with each other and the natural world, we cannot be truly resilient to any of the intersecting crises we’re facing. We need relationships that are diverse in every way because, as any ecologist knows, monocultures are vulnerable to shocks in the system. This means we need to reconnect with people that think differently, have different values, and believe different things.

It’s true that the crisis unfolding in the natural world is too urgent to put off until we have done the slow work of relational healing among a deeply fractured human society. However, it is also true that sustainability professionals are burning out in record numbers, because they are given the task of stopping the destruction that destructive mindsets perpetuate. In my experience, large organizations charge a team of 2 people with the task of finding ways to mitigate emissions and reduce waste, while the rest of the organization tries to maintain the status quo.

This is a quintessential characteristic of our reductionist ways of approaching solutions to healing the natural world. It is not only a set up for burn out, but also for failure. Effective action to address the climate crisis, whether it is within organizations or nation states, must be embedded in a culture that values life. This is essentially why I have begun to dislike the term “sustainability”. It implies we want to sustain our way of life while stopping the destruction it has caused. However, I have come to believe that if we really want to stop the destruction of our natural world, we need to be willing to change the ways we show up in the world. Of course, we need to support the work of those trying to reduce emissions, reduce waste, save species and protect ecosystems. It is also true, as Project Drawdown has popularized, that “every job is a climate job”. However, we need to not just think about the things we do between 9 to 5, but we need to pay attention to how we show up in our lives. We can spread the antidotes to toxicity at every moment and in every interaction with our family, neighbors, colleagues, and strangers.

If toxicity has spread through hateful separations along the lines of race, politics, financial status, nationality, religion or species, the antidote to toxicity is also the antidote to hate. Love is the truly regenerative force that will foster healing in our world. I am not referring to the personal kind of love that shows up in pop songs or even that binds family members together. I’m referring to an impersonal love that is universal, unconditional and deeply healing. It is also an active force that is already present if we can get out of its way.

If we allow love to seep into our culture through every interaction we participate in, it can act as the antidote to the rampant toxicity permeating every aspect of our lives. If we love life, we will not tolerate its destruction and begin to genuinely work to heal the damage that has been done. But love is not exclusive. For this to be the antidote we need, we must love all of life, not just the groups of people that think like us; otherwise, resentment builds and backlash ensues.

This is no small task before us and this kind of culture change can’t be legislated, regulated or written into policy. As we have seen, trying to legislate our way to less toxicity creates backlash that ultimately slows progress. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have concrete actions at our disposal, but these actions should be focused on creating conditions for re-establishing connections to each other and the natural world. This can take the form of everything from nature walks to organizing diverse community groups, to redesigning the built environment to foster opportunities for human connection. It also requires practices like mindfulness or other contemplative disciplines that have the capacity to soften and awaken the human heart.

If enough of us begin to reconnect to heart-centered wisdom and love for life, this can potentially create an antidote to toxicity that may actually enable us to save us from ourselves.